“..every man can dispose of what he possesses as he pleases: but the same does not hold for the essential Gifts of Nature, such as life and freedom, which everyone is permitted to enjoy and of which it is at least doubtful that one has the Right to divest oneself; in depriving oneself of the one, one debases one’s being; in depriving oneself of the other one annihilates it as much as in one lies; and as no temporal good can compensate for life or freedom, it would be an offense against both Nature and reason to renounce them at any price whatsoever.” – Rousseau’s Second Discourse
I’m trying to make sense of this guy’s words, and it’s sort of late so my brain’s a mess, but it made me think of life and suicide. Divesting oneself of life. Now, I realize that this may not literally refer to suicide, and could just be suggesting that it’s a shame people don’t LIVE their life to the fullest extent. But. Whatever.
Growing up, I’d always believed that suicide was the coward’s way out. You were giving up on everything, all the challenges and letting them win. I didn’t consider it something noble…I just thought it was depressing, horrifying, ridiculous. Edna Pontellier kills herself in the end of The Awakening (spoiler alert!) because she is unhappy with her life…a husband that loves her, kids. She wanted MORE. Well big whoop, Edna…I had thought…so your life sucks. Welcome to the club. That’s no excuse to kill yourself. That’s not noble, that’s cowardly.
It’s also what our teacher had said about it. So it had stuck.
Now, my viewpoint has changed. I’m neither encouraging it nor condoning, and I’m most definitely not considering it. It’s just that it really must take a LOT of courage to get to that point where you are ready to end your life. To get over the fear of what is waiting in the other side, not knowing what it’ll be. Not knowing whether there is a Heaven or Hell, or whether it’s all a trap and you’ll be stuck on Earth, screaming for help…unseen and unheard.
So. I’m sorry for thinking that. And I’m so, so sorry that life takes some people to that point. That one can be SO depressed.
I know people don’t know about my blog or me and probably don’t read this. But if you do. And you’re considering suicide. Get in touch with someone. Get some help. Find someone to talk to.
I know this sounds dull, untrue and overused, but it’ll get better. When you hit rock bottom, the only way to go from there is up. Find that route–the one that takes you up. It’s there somewhere, I promise.