ugh

ughhhhhhhhhhhhh. ugh. 

my mcat is alright for DO schools. not amazing, but alright. and i am completely ignoring the “it’s late in the cycle” shit. you never know what happens, and seriously, at this point, i’m believing in miracles.

my apps are solid. i have an upward trend in my grades, and my GPA is relatively better than my peers.

but i’m still bouncing between taking the dumb test again and not.

nothing is impossible, i know, but the 2015 test is going to be very difficult and include material that i haven’t taken classes for, i.e sociology and biochem.

realistically speaking, I would be walking in blind and half-assed for something in which I don’t have experience in.

compare that to the test that i spent months studying for, i know i can do better on that version. i choked. that score was my first practice test score, i went up THREE points and i know i can do it. but i’m taking 19 credit hours and super duper busy and just drowning right now. i plan out everything, i study in advance but i’m still getting screwed over.

and i don’t have the time to dedicate to study for the january test–which, another thing, that test doesn’t even have seats open at this point, so there’s that.

ugh.

and a person i don’t like got into med school and i don’t even care, really, and am annoyed that a family member chose to call and tell my parents about it in terms of gossip and then my dad didn’t get why i didn’t apply there (maybe because you were already complaining about how much these apps are COSTING) and just ughhhhhh.

i don’t care.

but i do. and it sucks.

and every other day i’m bouncing back and forth between “yes i can retake” and “no, i’m going to settle with my score and keep pushing and applying.”

(which, i applied everywhere anyway, but ughhhh.)

(pretty sure i’m on my way to world record for most ughs)