got my head spinning

sooooo. got into med school.

did not see that coming, tbh.

i’d pretty much given up and accepted that i’d have to take two years off…and now here i am.

i’m excited, i’m happy for everyone that’s excited for me, but mostly i’m utterly terrified. 

it’s going to be really different. and really hard. not just the studies, but staying away so far from home, in a dorm, with my religious/dietary restrictions. taking care of myself in a different setting. adjusting to a new city. getting around in a place where it’s more important to have a car than it is where i live right now.

keeping up and not falling behind, and just ugh.

it’s so so dumb but i still feel like i’m also comparing myself to people and it’ll never end, really.

still with all the what-ifs. and worrying about the future. rotations and residencies, if i’m really fit for this or if i’ll crash and burn.

it’s so ridiculous. and i can’t stop. i wish i could change that part of me but it’s not something i’ve been very successful at. sigh.

other things i need to work at — i’ve been logging my calories everyday. i’m trying to eat less, but it’s not necessarily better. falling behind on running/exercising in general, too.

i’ll have a gym membership there so i’m hoping to get a head start and being REALLY sucky at it.

I NEED TO GET ORGANIZED. IDK how to kick myself into action.

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